Every January there are two holidays worth taking note of. The 6th January is National Cuddle Up Day, while National Hugging Day falls on the 21st of the month.
It’s the perfect month for these events since the Christmas season is over, the weather is cold, and people generally feel a little bit low. National Hugging Day is always a similar time of the year to Blue Monday, said to be the most depressing day of the year.
But what if you try to suggest to your partner that they cuddle up on the sofa, or that you want a hug, and they say no? Is this a cause for concern, and is there potentially something more serious going on?
Worried about infidelity?
There are normally good reasons for a partner to turn down a hug. Many of them are perfectly innocent, and it may just be that they’re busy, or they’ve eaten garlic and don’t want to put you off them!
But you’ll know more from the way the hug or cuddle was declined. Was it done bluntly, or with sadness? How is the rest of their behaviour?
It might be that you’ve had an argument recently and they’re still not over it. Or maybe you’ve said something that’s upset them, even if you didn’t realise it. In both of these circumstances, you can usually resolve things with a conversation, although they might need a little space first.
However, if they refuse to engage with you, and they have other behaviours which are making you feel suspicious, there is a chance that they are seeing someone on the side, and that they’re putting up barriers with you due to their conflicted emotions. Or worse, they’re hiding the smell of perfume/aftershave on them that belongs to their affair partner.
Again, in the vast majority of cases, a refusal for a hug is NOT a serious problem. Don’t panic!
But if you can piece this together with other things happening in your relationship that don’t seem to add up, you may want to start looking into some investigation work. The first couple of steps might be something you can do yourself, but the rest may require the help of a professional.
Obvious signs of infidelity
First up, you’re going to want to look for the obvious signs that your partner might be cheating on you.
And again, that is only a ‘might’. Often a partner acting suspiciously is because they’re planning something nice for you – the amount of people who think their partner is cheating on them before a surprise birthday party reveal would surprise you!
Or you might just be a little bit paranoid. It happens to everyone, so don’t feel attacked by that statement. Everyone goes through periods where they worry, and see things that aren’t really there.
Still, if you have asked for a cuddle up or a hug and you’ve been turned down, here are some of the things you might want to look out for:
A change to their schedule
Is your partner a creature of habit, always out the door by 8am and back in the home by 6pm? Golf every Tuesday, or coffee with friends every Saturday morning?
And have things suddenly changed?
If they have new additions to their social calendar, or they’re being “asked to stay late at work”, check whether things add up.
This doesn’t have to be a deep investigation yet, but wonder whether their stories for their new-found activities just make sense.
People do start new hobbies, especially at the start of the year when they’ve spent time reflecting and want to improve themselves. So don’t get worried if they say they’re starting the gym!
But if things don’t seem quite right, add it to your mental list of concerns and keep tabs.
Other intimacy changes
If your partner is cheating and they refuse a hug or a cuddling session on the sofa, they’re also likely to change their other intimate behaviour with you. It might mean fewer kisses, or a reduced sex life.
Alternatively, sometimes things go the other way – they actually make ‘more of an effort’ with you, either because they are enjoying more variety in their sex life, or to cover up their cheating.
Hiding their phone
An affair can’t be conducted without communication, so expect your partner to be texting the person they’re cheating with if they are.
They obviously don’t want you knowing this, so look out for signs that they’re being more careful with their phone. Are they hiding it more, or subtly turning away from you when checking something on the screen?
Accusing you
One of the most common behaviours of a cheater is accusing their partner of doing something wrong – either accusing them of cheating, or just layering on accusations of other indiscretions.
They’re doing this to distract you, or to make you feel guilty – which in turn ‘justifies’ their behaviour. It’s their get-out-of-jail-free card – if you did find out about the affair, they can explain why they aren’t in the wrong.
A deeper dive
If you’ve asked your partner for a cuddle and they’ve said no, and you’ve then started noticing some of the other signs of a potential affair, it may be time to turn to the professionals.
At EJM Investigations, we’re experienced in looking into whether a partner is cheating, and gathering the evidence you need to know one way or the other.
But most importantly, we do all of this discreetly.
Nobody wants to start the year off by accusing their partner of cheating and then turning out to be wrong. That hardly sets the tone for a happy, healthy year together.
So instead, give our team a call on 01772 334700. We can use a wide variety of techniques and methods, selected to suit your situation and budget, so that you can get the answers you need without your partner knowing.
And if they aren’t cheating, you can start to wonder what other reasons they had for avoiding a hug.